All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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