hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
tequila makes me forget i have legs
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
