We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
