Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
