I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My ass is underappreciated
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
