i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
