last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
