Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
