So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
