So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
