why didn't you poke me back
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
