grandma shit on top of the toilet
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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