Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
