kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
