Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
