Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
