He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
