Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
