And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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