don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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