dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
