your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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