I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
