omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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