Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
