I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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