9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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