You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
