I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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