My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
