can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
