They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
