woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
