quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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