laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
