How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
