some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
