he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
