Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
