im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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