What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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