Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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