Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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