Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
