Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
