I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
