So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
