so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
