In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
