i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
