I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
