I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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