why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
