well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
