How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
