Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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