it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize