hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
