i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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