dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
