so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
