Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
