i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
