i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
