Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
