I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
