Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
