sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
