Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
