I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
