If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
